Yankee Logic 101: A Three-Part Course
A.) If an opposing player hits a home run off a Yankee pitcher, it is acceptable for the Yankee pitcher to hit him in the head with a pitch. Also, he may throw splintered bats at the opposing player.
B.) However, it is completely unacceptable for an opposing pitcher to hit a Yankee batter in the back.
A.) If a Yankee manager charges an opposing pitcher out of nowhere with his arms flailing, that opposing pitcher must have the presence of mind to step politely out of his way. If he does not do so, every member of the Yankees organization and the media must rip this opposing pitcher to shreds.
B.) If a lowly groundskeeper for an opposing team dares to root for his employer's team which is losing in the 9th inning, the well-paid Yankee pitching staff as well as any nearby outfielders are entitled to surround, punch, and stomp this employee mercilessly. Furthermore, it is unreasonalbe to question this understandable response from the Yankees.
A.) Fans of opposing teams, as well as members of the police force in that team's hometown, always lie about what they witness.
B.) However, Yankee fans* never lie, especially not in front of a national television audience, and never in stark contradiction of video replays.
* Case study: Ed Hillel
- Samuel Pratt