Behold, the glory that is Peyton Manning.
Peyton Manning is everywhere you look. He is the Man. He is, according to the newscasters on FOX Sports, ESPN, CBS, ABC and al-Jazeera, the best quarterback ever to walk the earth. He's Montana, Namath, Unitas, and Favre put together. He may very well be the best athlete ever to grace the National Football League.
Peyton Manning, in fact, may be the best athlete ever to trod upon the humble earth. Like the mighty Olympians of old, soon there will be nothing to watch in football--nay, in all of sports--but Peyton Manning, naked but for a laurel leaf, sprinting in bronzed glory over the fields of Elysium.
Cancel Spring Training. We've got some serious Peyton-butt-kissing to accomplish, and a single short football season isn't nearly long enough to have our fill.
Peyton Manning is an incredible human being. You didn't hear this from me, but the scuttlebutt is he's a shoo-in for the Nobel Peace Prize, and a front-runner, it so happens, for the Nobel in Nuclear Physics, as well as a long shot for the Fields Medal in mathematics. Rumor has it that Peyton Manning actually invented electricity (take that, Thomas Edison!) and air travel.
Peyton Manning for President. You heard it here first. Peyton will reign over us all in a splendid golden age of World Peace. The Israelis and Palestinians will finally reach understanding, and the lion shall lay down with the lamb, all thanks to Peyton Manning. One day far off in the future of our children's children, brothers and sisters, I see a great new Nation--the United States of Peyton Manning. Mmm-hmm. Amen.
You know who makes a great cappucino? Why, Peyton Manning, of course. Just the right amount of foam. Mmm-MM. Peyton Manning, you are incredible.
Peyton Manning knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. He also may be the Easter Bunny.
Unbenownst to me before the Colts' 41-10 victory over the Broncos last weekend (otherwise known as the Great Enlightenment), Peyton Manning is apparently my baby daddy.
Yes, Peyton Manning, if you listen to the sportscasters at least, is truly the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. He has brought the days of Judgement upon us and shall sit at the Right Hand of God Almighty to judge the living and the dead as Armageddon dawns upon the Earth.
In the beginning, or so I hear, the Word was with God, and the Word was--we have now learned--Peyton Manning.
Know what I have to say about that? ee mee mee MEE mee mee.
We're still going to kick his candy ass in the playoffs. If Kansas City doesn't do it first.
So there, Peyton Manning.
Thanks and a big smooch to Stephen for helping me remember enough of our Peyton-bashing this weekend to form this blog entry.
And HEY! If you're like me and you just can't get enough of Peyton Manning, head on over to PEYTONMANNING.COM!, your clearinghouse for all the latest on the Last Great Hope for Humankind.