Okay. Okay. Okay. Deep breaths.
I heard it about half an hour ago...and I called a few people to rehash it, and I thought about it almost all the way home...and I still don't believe it.
A woman called into WEEI's Big O Show today around 5:30 pm. She told the hosts excitedly that she had some--and I quote--"prudinent" information.
The 'prudinent' information came from--and I am not making this up--the Burlington Union, from the bustling metropolis of Burlington, MA...otherwise known around these parts as "where 3A begins north of Boston," and "that place with the mall."
An intensive search just now of the Union website as well as Google News produced no article matching the woman's description, but I suppose this just makes it funnier.
According to the caller, the article said something about "a Philistine fan", (which she pronounced as rhyming with "brine" rather than "pristine", which is the correct pronunciation). This description presumably referred to one Chris House of Dorchester, MA (as a side note, another almost-as-brilliant WEEI caller claimed that "Yar I know Housie growin' up and frankly...I'm not, eh, surprised, if you know whaddimean" which would have been a classic in its own right were it not for the tough act it followed).
So the woman...get this...she says, "And I brought this up to yiz cause I figured, what if this guy's a foreignah, and he just doesn't know the rules heah?"
Take a moment. Just let the levels of dumb sink in.
In case you need elaboration, let me enumerate them for you:
- This woman thought that the Burlington Union was breaking some heretofore unknown angle on last night's incident;
- This woman thought that the word "Philistine" describes a nationality;
- This woman decided to call the number-one drivetime radio show in Boston and let her ignorance be known live on the air in millions of cars throughout Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Southern Vermont, and Southern New Hampshire, and God only knows how many listeners to WEEI's new live online stream;
- This woman obviously could not distinguish between an informational article, if said article even existed, and an Op/Ed, as an informational article would never be able to apply such an opinionated description to its subjects;
- This woman thought that even if "Philistine" denoted nationality, it might have been an excuse or defense of the fan who scuffled with Sheffield.
Now, I have heard some dead-dog dumb things in my day, but that one tops them all.
I mean...like I said, I still don't quite believe it.