Sarah's post makes me think maybe I (we) should try my (our) hand at some ballplayin'. Reading her account of her first company softball game made me grin like an idiot. Especially this part:
Unfortunately, the Widowmakers (my team) got fucking cream-pied 22-5, due largely in part to our inability to play any sort of defense at all. I played third base for an inning, and in my one at-bat I pulled a Nomar and swung at the first pitch and popped out, which is what I get for making fun of him all the time. I also was the catcher for two innings, which was pretty much a mistake. I got hit in the mouth with the ball in the first inning, then I took one off the knee in the second inning which, although I stayed in for the rest of the inning, pretty much took me out of the game and, in fact, still hurts like a bitch. The coveted "Hayden Trophy" went to the LaNormandie. MVP awards went to Alan, the downstairs pantry cook, and Tommy, the upstairs maitre'd. Best part of all is that everyone wants to do it again this summer - they're even talking about a best two out of three. The Maisonette needs a team practice, seriously.
I also thought catcher was the perfect position for Sarah. I can't really put my finger on why--she just seems like a catcher.
Then I got to thinking, maybe the SG'ers can start a team. We'll pool our money, buy some equipment (or bring some from home), get some coolers full of beer and hard lemonade, find a field somewhere and hack away at it. I think it would be hilarious fun.
But then I thought, who would we play? SoSH? Unfortunately, they have some ringers they could bring in. Maybe The Remy Report? Ideas? Could we be on the verge of a Message Board League? Might the fabled trade of me to SoSH for Jose Melendez actually become reality?
And the other issue is, what position would I play? Keep in mind several key points of my scouting report:
- I can throw really, really hard but not very accurately.
- I can talk trash like a motherfucker and could probably fight if I had to.
- My hitting is mediocre but not God-awful. At least, last time I played any kind of "hitting" game, which I believe was Whiffleball back in high school gym class.
- I am very, very, very, VERY embarrassingly ball-shy. Like, to the point where it's involuntary--ball in my general vicinity, I duck as a reflex.
- I have little to no depth perception.
- Other than that, I have hardly any athletic ability whatsoever.
What do you say, guys? Put me in, coach. I'd make some crack about playing outfield better than Manny Ramirez here, but hey--at least he doesn't literally duck and cover when he sees the ball coming. Most of the time.