He has been a very difficult binky indeed.
So here is the latest thing my boy opened up his pretty mouth and said:
''I won't go on any rehab stints. I'll go through my bullpens and I'll be back in the big leagues. I'm not going to mess with that. It's just a waste of time. Not a waste of time, a waste of pitches."
Now that that's out of the way, I will defend him.
No, really. I'm gonna. Watch.
It was Johnny Damon who said, "to win it all, you need a closer who doesn't give a shit."
Guess what, folks? He doesn't give a shit.
He doesn't give a shit if you boo him. In fact, boo him, and he's going to stand up behind a microphone, flash his bling and brag to your face about how much more money he makes than you, so go fry him up a burger, Paco.
He doesn't give a shit if his knee needs surgery. He's gonna go out there and keep pitching his nuts off until they haul him off the field with a literal hook.
He doesn't give a shit if they want him to do rehab stints. He wants back on that mound, dammit, even if he has to punch out an old lady to get there. His attitude right now reminds me of the Denis Leary monologue about John Wayne needing to have a lung removed, and his caricatured response: "TAKE EM BOTH OUT I DON'T FUCKIN NEED EM." Keith Foulke could have needed a bionic knee replacement, and I get the sense his response might have been, FINE MOTHERFUCKER PUT THE OTHER ONE IN WHILE YOU'RE AT IT. And then he would spit. On the floor. In the doctor's office.
He doesn't give a shit about easing in slowly. He is going to kick down the bullpen door and run out to the field and beat a guy to death with his own bat right on the plate. He is eager, people. This is a good thing.
He doesn't even give a shit about baseball. He has made it clear that he'd rather be playing hockey with some clubhouse kid than pitching in the bigs. "The first and fifteenth of the month, that's payday," was his gem on that issue.
He also doesn't give a shit about being politically correct. Or doing that weird little tango with us fans via the media. He doesn't give a shit what comes flying out of his mouth, apparently, and last I checked, this was something we loved about Manny.
But you know what else? Keith Foulke doesn't give a shit if it's, say, Yankee Stadium, ALCS, elimination game, two outs in the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded, full count, throw a strike or go home.
He doesn't give a shit if it's, say, the first World Series in 18 years, bases loaded again, throw a strike or fall behind.
He doesn't give a shit if it's the bottom of the ninth and the final out of the first World Series championship in 86 years, and even though he's the worst fielding pitcher on the team (and that's saying something), Edgar Renteria hits a ground ball bouncing back to the mound.
From these comments, many of us have chosen to surmise that Keith Foulke is an asshole. I will concede that point, but I also must mention that from these comments I have also chosen to surmise the following other things about Keith Foulke:
- He is tough as fucking nails. On a bum knee he pitched in the American League for half a season and still had an above-.500 win percentage and saved in the majority of his opportunities. This after a postseason that would simply physically kill most closers. Just coming off knee surgery, he wants back out there right the hell now.
- He is mean. Keith Foulke doesn't care about you crybabies in the bleachers. Keith Foulke has had several months to get bored, and hungry, and start eating nails for breakfast and lunch. Keith Foulke wants to humiliate someone soon, or things are going to get ugly. Keith Foulke's inner monologue is starting to sound like The Rock.
- Say what you want about payday and all that, but whatever his motivations, Keith Foulke wants to get back out there, jump back on the horse, and start mowing guys down as soon as all these, you know, managers and shit get out of his way already. Keith Foulke is dedicated.
He doesn't give a shit. He doesn't give a shit if you give a shit that he doesn't give a shit.
And, people, he is a closer. This type of attitude is exactly what we pay him for.