Q: Watching the Giants go down the tube, a thought occurred to me: Does Eli Manning get his own face? Since it is identical to Peyton Manning Face both genetically and situationally, shouldn't we just call it "Manning Face" and dispense with the first names? --Bob Bettendorf, Florida
SG: Sure. We'll just call it the Manning Face -- kinda like when Tiffani Thiessen dropped the "Amber." I'm cool with that. Now my goal is to see them get thrashed in a doubles tennis match and make that face at the exact same time. (Bill Simmons)
Does it make me a lesser person to have cackled in glee when Peyton Manning was sacked on a 4th-and-a-cab-ride to all but doom the Colts game yesterday? Does it make me cheap, petty, unclassy, to have all but exploded in pleasure at the sight of Mike Vanderjagt, possibly the biggest asshole in the NFL, shanking the tying field goal for absolutely no reason other than that, in general, he deserved to?
Here's another question. Do I care?
So, yes: yesterday, though I felt a little dirty rooting for the Steelers, and while I have a sneaking suspicion it won't help me get into Heaven, I could not have been happier that the Colts lost. I could not have been happier that they lost in their dome, in perfect weather, at home, with everyone rested and ready and no big, mean, Patriots CBs roughing up their delicate receivers. I could not have been happier that the media circle-jerk over Peyton Manning may finally be coming to an end.
And if I had any fleeting sense of remorse at my dance on the Colts' season's grave, it was gone when I saw the Peyton Manning press conference.
Especially when he said this:
"I'm trying to be a good teammate here. Let's just say we had some problems with protection."
Are you kidding me? He and his drunk, idiot kicker choke again in the big time and after the game, how does he choose to act? He throws his offensive linemen under the bus. That's right. The poor workhorses in front of him who have to deal with his infinite audibles and screaming and gesticulating throughout every game (and I can only imagine practice is more of the same), the guys who go up against some of the best defensive linemen in the league to try to protect his scrawny, sorry, bitchy ass game after game--Peyton Manning stood up after this game in front of TV cameras and microphones and blamed them for the loss.
How can anyone respect this guy for even a minute?
Oh, and there's more:
It's certainly not from a lack of effort on my part. I've never done more to prepare. I can't tell you how much I studied these guys the last two weeks.
Did you catch Tom Brady at his press conference whining about all his teammates who dropped passes, who dropped punts, who dropped kickoffs? Did he feel the need to bitch and moan about how hard he'd worked all season? Was he quick to point out that "It wasn't for lack of effort on my part"? Did you see him say, "I'm trying to be a good teammate here"?
Seriously, tell me, can't anyone out there understand why it would rankle me to see Manning get ranked in the same category of football player with Brady, let alone the same category of person?
The guy's a bitch. He's a punk. He's a whining, crying pantywaist and I can't stand him. I have no sympathies for his loss, and I make no apologies for that. I hope he never gets even one ring. No one deserves an empty hand more than him.
Unless it's Vanderjagt.
P.S. In case you needed further confirmation that I am, in general, not a nice girl, I have to admit I laughed my ass off when John Kasay fell on his face while the ball clanged off the goalpost in the most spectacularly muffed extra point attempt I've ever seen. Come on. It was hilarious--just the timing of it.
Maybe you had to be there.
P.P.S. For those of you who just haven't had enough of the Colts mockery, click here.