Well, folks, I'm off on one of my fantastic adventures. Much as this sucks, I am going to miss Opening Day, and no, there was no way I could get out of it. I will make every effort I can to post, but can't make any promises. I will, however, have some souvenirs to share when I get back.
I tried to get you a babysitter, but that fell through, so I had to call in a favor with Mr. Varitek. Mr. Varitek will be monitoring your activities while I am gone, so no funny stuff. Got it? While I'm gone, Mr. Varitek is the boss.
You in the back. Don't think Mr. Varitek doesn't see you.