I'm not even gonna bitch about the pitching selections anymore except to say this: Kenny Rogers vs. Brad Penny isn't an All-Star first inning. That's a toilet-bowl interleague game nobody watches.
Totally weird to see Nomar in a Dodgers uniform. Somehow even more excruciating to see Arroyo work a scoreless inning in the top of the fifth. I still maintain that the National League has made Arroyo look better than he is, but then he has to go and get away with pitching to the American League. However, it was for just three outs and were it not for a ridiculous catch at shortstop, he might have been screwed.
AL fans, here's our ready-made excuse per MLB.com: Twelve players -- about one-third of the NL roster -- are former American Leaguers. This includes starters Edgar Renteria, Carlos Beltran and Alfonso Soriano.
My favorite inning by far was the bottom of the fifth, not only because my West-Coast boyfriend Barry Zito pitched but because David Ortiz actually saved A-Rod's ass with a nice pick at first.
Let me write that again: David Ortiz saved A-Rod's ass with a nice pick at first.
I hate that Gatorade commercial with the little-kid voices and bodies on the adult-athlete heads. It freaks me out and it has both Derek Jeter and Peyton Manning in it.
Scott Kazmir. I covet hiiiiiiiim.
Did you see his grin coming off the field? It looked like he tried very hard to hold it in and look stoic and dignified, but then he caught sight of a teammate and it just burst across his face.
The mere thought of both him and Jonathan in a Red Sox uniform is enough to make my brain implode.
Want. Want. I lust after Scott Kazmir in a purely baseball sense. (Because in the hormonal sense I generally like guys who look older than, you know, 14.)
Okay, I lied. I wish to register another complaint about the pitching selections in this game. I have to say that what's completely screwed up this year's rosters beyond all possible recognition is the mandate that every team should have a representative. That's bullshit. No way should Derrick Turnbow be in the freakin' All Star game. No WAY. If you're the Milwaukee Brewers and you suck, too bad. Get better. Get better players. The All-Star Game should be the best players in the league, period. Not goddamn Derrick Turnbow and his goddamn .500 W-L record and his goddamn 4.74 ERA.
Sure, sure, Derrick Turnbow has 23 saves on the season and a pretty good WHIP. But here's his most recent scouting report on CBS Sportsline:
The trials and tribulations of closer Derrick Turnbow continued Wednesday night. He didn't blow a save, but he did surrender a 10th-inning homer to Adam Dunn that gave Cincinnati a 4-3 lead. Geoff Jenkins got Turnbow off the hook for a loss in the bottom of the 10th when he socked his first homer since May 20. But the fact remains that Turnbow can't get going. In his last three games, Turnbow has two blown saves and what would have been a loss if not for Jenkins' game-tying homer. The day after throwing 30 pitches and suffering his sixth blown save, Turnbow was declared unavailable for duty Tuesday when the Brewers pulled out a 5-2 victory over the Reds. Instead, he worked on ironing out kinks in his delivery with pitching coach Mike Maddux.
Turnbow has been relegated to being a one-pitch pitcher, unable to get anything but his fastball (sometimes including) over the plate for a strike consistently. Consider reserving him in deeper leagues until he rights himself.
That sound like an All-Star to you? How completely pathetic is it that Turnbow was named to the first pitching roster for the NL and Francisco Liriano had to wait for Jose Contreras to bow out before he could pitch for the AL?
Would I want to have seen a team full of Yankees in their dynasty era? Course not. But the mercy picks are pure bullshit. Bullshit, I say.
I'm sure the people behind Jeannie Zelasko's big shiny blue behind really appreciate that she's standing in front of them to interview David Wright's father.
Although how adorable was Wright's dad's revelation that young David once got in a food fight in school and "got one day's in-school suspension"?
How much would you want to kill him if that were your dad?
I like what they did with the mowing patterns in the outfield.
BJ RYAN HAS A NECK LIKE A SEQUOIA.
But he at least deserves to be here.
FOX just played Papi's walkoff from their last Sox Saturday game (yeah, I'm too lazy to look up the date) as part of a Pepsi promo. That was nice of them. But now they're going to have to talk for at least 30 minutes about Derek Jeter's calm eyes just to make up for it, I bet.
Also, there's something creepy and unappealing about FOX's enthusiasm over the Ortiz blast. At least when Trup and Castig or RemDawg and Orsillo get excited about a play that's good for the Red Sox you have a sense they're genuine. The FOX excitement is palpably one of "This is GREAT for our RATINGS!!"
I hate to laugh at anything, commercial or otherwise, that exploits and degrades little people. It just makes me uncomfortable. But I have to say the Burger King commercial where the dwarf foreman does that little two-finger point to his eyes and then to the dwarf subordinate's eyes and then back to his own eyes cracks me up. I can't help it. I guess funny is funny, even if it's in the midst of cringeworthy "De plane! De plane!" references.
Top of the ninth, two on, two out, 0-2 to Michael Young, and a mighty triple to right field. This is actually an...exciting game? With like lead changes and stuff? Wow.
Double wow: Mariano Rivera is warming in the AL bullpen. Steinbrenner's gotta be choking on his Cream of Wheat. That's just what the MFY need--some more pitches on that aging arm.
Aww, the look on that Pittsburgh batboy's face after Michael Young passed by, mobbed by his AL teammates? Aww.
You know, if I am to find myself rooting in this bizarro world for any Yankee, I would prefer it be Mariano Rivera. I don't know if this a jinx on him or not. I mean, remember when a bunch of Boston fans rooted for the Yanks in 2001 because of 9/11 and everything. That didn't appear to help them any.
It's weird, because Rivera's face and mannerisms are almost as familiar to me as my own guys'. There's a weird queasy sense of comfort in cheering him on.
Okay, I'm quitting this train of thought before a lynch mob shows up at my house.
Okay, I will say this. That first swing-and-miss to Carlos Lee reminded me of Jonathan. I only hope Jonathan can still be doing that when he's, like, 450 years old like Rivera is.
So rooting for a Yankee served its purpose. The AL is victorious and I feel pretty smug about it, especially since the NL got so close and then blew it. Ha ha, they totally suck.
Whoa. It was a nice game and everything, but it appears to be making me channel a Yankees fan. Time for bed.