Deputy Loretta says you have the right to remain silent. (ESPN.com photo)
In the bottom of the fourth, when Brian Anderson lined out to Loretta, who was pumping the ball toward first before he even came down as if to say to the runner, "GET your ass back to first, son," and then landed with a kind of sheepishly cocky look on his face, Julia and I decided that in our IBW, Loretta is Deputy Loretta. He wants to see your license and registration, please, and are you aware that you were going 36 in that 30 mile an hour zone? Well, don't let it happen again.
Loretta has that kind of quiet bravado of the rural sherriff's deputy, the guy who you know in his own mind is Wyatt Earp but in reality is Barney Fife. Since we've also already decided that Mark Loretta is Trot Nixon's older brother who made good, this fits perfectly. Trot Nixon is the outlaw; Loretta is the guy who must put aside family connections to track that varmint down. It has all the makings of a cheesy Western romance novel or perhaps a Willie Nelson song.
We have such a rich imagined life with our players. Really, I think it's one of the best things we have going for us.
It has also been decided that Lester's official new name is Houdini Lester, or perhaps The Amazing Lester, given his seeming preference to load the bases with no outs in every single inning and then find a way to get out of it based on sheer audacity.
All in all, a lovely game last night--a tense standoff through the first several innings followed by a mighty Red Sox offensive display in the late innings to put the game away.
All of which I definitely wanted to comment on, but what really brought me to the computer today is the total nervous breakdown I am witnessing (despite my attempts to avoid it as usual) on the part of the Boston media about Manny and the All-Star Game.
Words do not describe how FUCKING OLD this shit is. GUYS. FIND A NEW PERSON TO PICK ON. FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO WAX INDIGNANT ABOUT. FIND! SOMETHING! ELSE!
Even if it's totally true, that Manny's absence from the All-Star Game is a slap in the face to the fans (I for one am not feeling particularly slapped at all; frankly I didn't even vote for the All-Stars and I'm more offended by Mark Buerhle as the starter for the American League than anything else), my contempt for the way the usual suspects are jumping all over the chance to rip Manny knows no bounds. Here it is July 8...any time between now and the trading deadline is their usual time to pick on Manny, and here we are again, another year, another Manny controversy. They'll make it up if they have to, but this year they don't, and so they are seizing on the opportunity to hold themselves up the aggrieved representatives of a slighted legion of fans with aplomb that would better suit a Southern tent-revival preacher. My brothers and sisters the shame! The shame of his absence from the game three million honest hard working people voted him into!
Does anyone else notice this pattern!?!? Does anyone else notice it happens EVERY SINGLE YEAR, despite the fact that Manny doesn't change, his status as a Red Sox doesn't change and probably won't change, and the fact that Red Sox fans continue to cheer for Manny?
It's a total insult to the intelligence, what these columnists and TV commentators and radio buffoons are doing. Any guy on this team--ANY guy--has skeletons in his closet, sins and peccadilloes the media could be just as self-righteous in dogging him for. But Manny's an easy target, so let's go after him. AGAIN. It's July in Boston, and that's apparently just what we do.