All right, enough of this foolishness.
Luckily for us, Curt ate a big bowl of industrial bolts for breakfast yesterday before coming to the park. When he got to the clubhouse, he gave Jason Varitek and Mike Lowell head-butts to the chest like Zidane in the World Cup and shouted over their lifeless bodies, "YOU BETTER GET SOME DAMN RUNS HOME."
In the bullpen, he ritualistically selected and ate a tomato off the plant, whole. Then he killed two bullpen catchers while warming up his fastball. Finally, he came busting out onto the field like a bull at Pamplona, took the mound, and reminded the A's that they are actually a light-hitting baseball team and in first place only because they occupy the weakest division in the American League.
This is why I will never apologize for completely loving Curt Schilling.
It was a pyrrhic victory given that we'd already lost the first two games of the series in ignominious fashion to men with white effin' shoes and elephants on their uniforms. However, when it's the Principle of the Thing, I want #38 with the ball and that "Bell Tower With a Rifle" look in his eye. That drilling of Nick Swisher was a savage, savage thing. That was a Re-Establishing the Alpha Male kind of moment right there--the best part was how it set Milton Bradley off in the dugout. If Milton Bradley's upset, you know some smacking down is going on and he just can't figure out how to get in on it.
Furthermore, I hope Curt's taking young Josh out to the woodshed today and teaching him a thing or two about pitch selection. It's tough love, son. You'll thank him later.
Update: About the only thing worth mentioning about yesterday's game was that there was actually not a fight, despite all the conditions being perfect, namely that it was Family Day, and there always seems to be a fight on Family Day. Not sure why. And so Dennis Eckersley's chilling pre-game warning, "You don't want Julian Tavarez pitching to Milton Bradley in the late innings of a blowout" did not ever have application in real life.
In other words, yesterday's game had no redeeming qualities whatsoever.