So let's see. We've already seen several stomach-churning slow-mo replays of Hideki Matsui's arm gratuitously snapping in half and him flopping around the outfield with his hand dangling uselessly at a crooked angle for what seemed like hours on end. Then Derek Jeter apparently sent a fan to the ICU with a foul screamer down the first base line. The whole rest of his at-bat, Jeter was peering toward the scene of chaos he'd created, probably wondering if he should go lay hands upon the kid or what, and NESN, unbelievably, showed a view of the Yankees fans also directly in Jeter's sight line, who were no doubt hollering "Sok Jete-Jete, kid's gonna be fine."
But the worst thing? The worst thing was that John Lester, who officially sucks at life, failed to capitalize.
Me talking to the TV at that point sounds like I'm like trying to command a poorly trained attack dog. "Come on, John-John! Get him! Get him! No! Now! Get him! Go!"
And then, moments later, they showed the ball on another deeply, vividly graphic replay just barely whispering past Lester's head as he ducked on the mound, meaning we narrowly avoided an official Fright Night Movie Festival of all the horrific things that have happened to baseball players throughout history, next up, Matt Clement getting an impromptu trepanning with a line drive.*
"Then after that we can see the footage of Randy Johnson hitting a dove," Steve said.
It's good to have completely lost my mind in the space of about the last twelve hours...it numbs the pain completely.
* I take no responsibility for the unfortunate title given to that video on YouTube.