Your up to the minute coverage of the Brady Quinn Crisis!
(Photo: Another great sign the Pats should pick Beason: a ready-made nickname of Beast.)
Pre-Draft: Finally! I have to confess that as a sports fan, the annual Seasons of Prediction and Speculation--the Hot Stove in baseball and Mock Draft season in football--are not my favorite things about the sports I follow. I get tired of the constant guesses built on top of guesses, the assumptions folded in, sprinkled with daubs of deep-sourced media leaks, kneaded by debate, allowed to rise under spotlights and "no comments", baked into assumption, sliced up on ESPN analysis and served up cold when the action finally begins.
Meanwhile, as the always-excellent Chad Finn so eloquently put it, "Knowing Belichick and Pioli, they'll probably take another tight end and a punter, thereby causing Mel Kiper's head to explode." (Finn goes on to guess that it'll be Beason, too, however.)
Enough. Let's see what actually happens.
Pick 1: Great quip by Deadspin on first overall pick JaMarcus Russell:
Russell can throw a football 60 yards while seated. That'll come in handy if he goes on a Golden Corral binge an hour before kickoff. At 265-pounds and growing like Dow Jones Industrial Average, Russell is big enough to be his own blocker, another skill that will help him in Oakland.
Pick 2: I love all these great big boys with their mamas at Radio City. Calvin Johnson's tiny, petite little mama kissing him after he got picked second overall by the Lions? Priceless.
Pick 9: When do you suppose the last time was that Brady Quinn was passed over nine times while people were picking teams? Nursery school? Even then? He's trying to remain upbeat, but every pick that passes without his name being called makes his public-relations smile tighter and tighter. Suzy Kolber is vacuum-sealed to his side for as long as he remains in the green room. I feel a little sorry for him right now. But only a little.
I thought for sure Miami would pick him, and then I'd be coming up with derogatory nicknames involving Abercrombie and Fitch for a division rival already drawing ridiculous comparisons to Tom Brady essentially because of his name. Looks like Finn was a little off in the timing of his Mel-Kiper head-esplody prediction; Kiper was in full meltdown mode following Miami's pick.
With this amazing development it was time for the first phone call of the day from my Dad, who as an Ohio State fan first and foremost wanted to gush about Ted Ginn Jr. (who is full-named at all times in our house--TedGinnJr!), and who pointed out the same thing happened to Leinart last year. "And he turned out to be the best quarterback out of all of 'em in 2006."
Pick 14: Jets fans...shudder. And there are of course about 800 of them in there, because they all probably live in cardboard boxes a few blocks down the street. The pause while all the Jets hooligans' eyes darted back and forth for a second trying to figure out who the hell Darrelle Revis is (Pitt CB, Steelers had been eyeing him)? Priceless. Then they all just said hell with it and started bouncing around hollering "YAAHHH!!!!" I guess they'll figure out who they have later.
Only about six months before we're pelting them with iceballs in the 3rd deck at Gillette Stadium again. Good times.
With palpable chagrin, ESPN just has to keep running all the promos they shot using Brady Quinn as spokesmodel for the draft, even as the commentators remain verklempt about the boy not being picked yet.
Another ESPN side note: at first I was deeply apprehensive about spending six hours today with Keyshawn Johnson on my TV, but so far he has been far better than I expected (although what I was expecting was pretty much Michael Irvin 2.0, so consider the context.)
Pick 20: I didn't think there could be anything more obnoxious than Jets fans. Then it turns out, there are Giants fans. I have limited experience with Giants fans (as opposed to at least once-yearly contact with Jets fans, so my contempt there is better-defined). But now that I see them on TV it's clear to me several of them were probably part of the crowd that fled Yankee stadium in droves last night, now pouring their hearts out into the Giants. That's how bad the Yankees are right now: Yanks / Giants New Yorkers (as opposed to the Mets / Jets ones described above) are throwing themselves on the mercy of Eli Manning.
Pick 22: Oh snap. Was supposed to be the Cowboys, Cleveland Browns are now on the clock while the ESPN announcers tearfully plaster Brady Quinn's four-year-old picture in a little Browns uniform across the screen. Berman's going to need a moment.
Berman: "So Brady Quinn is going to the Cleveland Browns, where Romeo Crennel is the coach, and he was the coach at New England with Charlie Weiss, when they won Super Bowls." Yes, Berman, less than six degrees of separation! Behold the Second Coming of Tom Brady!
Brady Quinn has now checked off three items on the Official Peyton Manning Quarterback Hatred Checklist for me: 1) Favorable, yet asinine comparisons to Tom Brady. 2) Stupid name 3) National sportscasters like to look at his baby pictures.
Pick 25: Keyshawn Johnson's Carolina Panthers' (tm) selection following New England's pick of Brandon Meriweather at 24 means I've spent the last two months thinking an inordinate amount about Jon Beason for nothing. Great. Best wishes down in Carolina, Beast.