This year, I'm taking a page out of JD Drew's book, and I'm going on the 15-day DL. I won't even demand $14 million to do so. You're welcome.
I'll be on vacation until the first week in August. Let's call it rehabbing. Let's say I have a lower back injury, retroactive to July 20.
In the meantime, here are the Top 10 things I hope the Red Sox figure out by the time I return to NESN's basic-cable distribution area:
9. How to make Tim Wakefield and Clay Buchholz a part of our regular rotation without having to put one of them on the DL.
8. Why Jonathan Papelbon has suddenly become a base-loading machine, instead of a strikeout machine. And how to put a stop to that.
7. How to get the Rem-Dawg back in the booth already.
6. How to sign Jason Bay already (or at least game plan for when negotiations hopefully re-open after the season).
5. Just who is in our regular pitching rotation, once and for all.
4. The cure for the common five-game losing streak (hint: it may be the Baltimore Orioles).
3. How to beat teams like the Toronto Blue Jays and the Texas Rangers on grass like it says we should on paper.
2. How to buy a timely hit.
1. How to get first place back from the MFY.