Here's the thing. We think we're creative and "zany" with our little IBW over here. And then...something like this comes along, and shortly after it the terrifying realization that even the mightiest strainings of our severely twisted imaginations have not even come close to doing the real guys justice.
I may be the last person in Western civilization to see this, but I don't care. And I could just link 'er up and let it speak for itself--but I can't let it go at that. No, for my enjoyment of this video will never be complete until I have fully analyzed it, explicating it like the great work of art that it is--for lo, one day it will not be on the Internet anymore, I can't figure out how to save it to my hard drive, and I'm sure there's at least one of you out there still on dial-up.
If you want to experience it completely unsullied by my observations, go now.
Those of you still reading, without further ado, I give you:
Top Ten Moments of the Cookie-Off Video 2006
10. The moment Cookie Monster first pops up behind Bronson.
9. Gabe Kapler's intensity before the competition begins. "I'm nervous. I'm nervous right now. I really am. I feel like, ah, I'm really pullin' for my cookies right now. Really, this is too much for me right now. I gotta go."
Look at his eyes. That boy ain't right.
8. Gabe Kapler's insistence that it's not a brownie.
7. When Gabe Kapler slips and calls it a brownie.
It's a brownie, I sweah!
6. Josh Beckett's uber-queer wireless Borg cellphone earphone...thing.
I'm too sexy for my hemp necklace, khaki jams and thong sandals...says Josh Beckett...
5. Alex Gonzalez Adam Stern (?) saying "Aroma". And "squeezabil-it-ee."
4. Mike Lowell saying "Big Chunks."
3. Bronson Arroyo saying "old-school soft batch."
Especially when you factor in that this terrifying leer directly preceded it:
2.Number Twooooo!
But without a shadow of a doubt, the most ridiculously sublimely awesome bit of this video which is admittedly a vast and endless OCEAN of awesomeness is...
1. Trot Nixon doing the Cookie Monster.
Observe:
It is not nearly as funny, of course, as actually seeing (and hearing) this amazing moment.
However, it can be a whole new dimension of funny when you pause and do screencaps of Trot Nixon's facial mannerisms.
You eyeballin' me, boy?
Trot can't be here no more.
1a. Note also the split-second appearance of Kevin Youkilis, adding his Cookie-Monster voice in a kind of uncanny duet with Trot.
Mommy, make the bad man stop!
One thing is for certain: The Yankees would never be this awesome about cookies.
Now, it may seem that I have stripped this video of all its fun, but I assure you, no amount of screencapping can dull its luster or tarnish its magic. Be not afraid--I have not even begun to mine its tender depths.
P.S. My eternal love, slavish devotion and gratitude to Marianne for alerting me to this greatness.
aaaah i saw that last night and i almost died my dad yelled at me for laughing so loud and i think i informed my parents fo how much i loved Gabe and how awesome Trot was more times than they would've liked lol it was awesome my favorite thing everr
Posted by: Katie | February 27, 2006 at 20:54
I just barely managed to find out about this before it aired. And OH MY GOD. Bronson made C Is Cookie so incredibly damn emo, it will never leave my brain. Same with Trot's Cookie Monster impression.
this is a very promising start to the year.
Posted by: Emma | February 27, 2006 at 22:01
I...I...I can't even find words for the sheer wonderfulness of this.
Posted by: Runan | February 27, 2006 at 22:36
oh. my. god. that's ... i did not know my love for this team could reach greater heights. amazing. i'm going to watch that every day until opening day.
Posted by: Anne | February 28, 2006 at 00:18
//Now, it may seem that I have stripped this video of all its fun, but I assure you, no amount of screencapping can dull its luster or tarnish its magic.//I have to agree on this. I heart our team.
Posted by: Jen | February 28, 2006 at 10:11
No, you're not quite the last to see this.
Genius stuff though.
Posted by: Dan | February 28, 2006 at 11:48
Damn, it's a shame that our team can't have fun anymore, now that Johnny Damon has left...
Posted by: BosoxBob | February 28, 2006 at 12:30
Slavish Devotion?
Sweet.
And Emma, you are not alone. I have had the Emo Cookie Song stuck in my head since Sunday night.
Posted by: 2632 | February 28, 2006 at 14:51
Bronson WILL be associated with "C is for Cookie" in my mind for the rest of his life. There is no doubt about that.
And I don't get the Stern confusion! I really don't. THEY LOOK NOTHING ALIKE. Plus he was talking at great length on the varied merits of the cookies, didn't you wonder why Alex Gonzalez didn't have much of an accent?
Posted by: Boston Fan in Michigan | February 28, 2006 at 23:15
we've been over this.
1. i still maintain that due to a very short haircut and the crappiness of the video quality and lighting, baldness and skin tone like that of the alexes is possible.
2. i've never heard alex gonzalez speak, so i wouldn't know if he has an accent. just because someone has the last name "gonzalez" doesn't mean i assume they have an accent.
Posted by: beth | March 01, 2006 at 04:02
Utterly stupendous...
Posted by: Iain | March 01, 2006 at 07:45
//just because someone has the last name "gonzalez" doesn't mean i assume they have an accent.//
No, but he's from Venezuela...
Posted by: Boston Fan in Michigan | March 01, 2006 at 17:02
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Posted by: Burton | October 14, 2007 at 08:53